Urban Poly Princess

Beautiful morning!!! I forced myself to sleep at 10:30pm. That led to the first part of my gorgeous morning. I woke up at 5:15 without problems, did Zumba, showered, got ready for work, packed food and cute shoes then WALKED to work. The street was BUUUSY but I crossed without a problem and without waiting an unreasonable amount of time. I left at 7:23 and I got here around 7:40ish so it took me a little less than 20 minutes. I live VEEERY close to work.

Walking makes me feel how very close it actually is now. I used to walk all over Salt Lake City when I blew my engine. I was without a car for a little over a year. I'm actually glad I had that experience because it made me realize I can survive without a car if I need to do that. What I don't like about waiting for the bus or walking everywhere is that you can't wear cute shoes and you waste a lot of time waiting around.

I'd carry a book with me everywhere then. There was always time to kill. I always carried my Book of Mormon in Tongan so people wouldn't talk to me. I had to learn how to fend off unwanted attention. Just be kind, polite and honest. If you get too excited with mentally unstable people you are igniting a time bomb. I don't have children but if I did I wouldn't want them to EVER catch the bus. Not without me anyway. I want them to be normal productive individuals. Wow! that is a scary thought trying to find that balance as a parent.

I lived in Midvale when I traveled to Oregon and Colorado to take 2 library classes when I was still in Emporia. I didn't want to pay to park my car at the airport like George always does so I caught Trax and then the bus to the airport. Now Trax goes to the airport and even Provo. If I get a job in a county library I hope to be able to take Trax there. It saves so much money on gas and parking and Trax doesn't take very long. I hate driving too.

That's why I love my mother's location. Although I hate the neighborhood it is within walking distance to so many conveniences. I would looove to work for LDS business college A BLOCK away from her house also that new city library a couple blocks the other way they are building. Actually I'd love to be the manager there. I could be a librarian there first if need be but only if they pay me what I'm worth!!!

I want to work for the church again just because I love those cool-bound books they give every Christmas. These are gospel classics hardbound. I got these when I was a conference center service missionary and also when I taught seminary but as far as I know they also distribute them to all church employees. I was reading McConkie's biography yesterday. I think it said he served as a mission president in addition to being called as a seventy and then apostle. I think I have a very good chance of that happening to my husband. I would love, love, love that!!! I want to raise children in a mission home and have the chance to testify and inspire missionaries as well as my family. I can't think of anything cooler.

One nice thing when we lived in Tonga my mother taught part time at the church school or Liahona High School and my father worked supervising the construction of chapels all over Tongatapu as well as some of the outer islands. Many missionary couples taught at the church school or worked for it in some capacity.

Of course the crowning moment was when he was the first Tongan superviser hired who lived in Tonga for the Tongan Temple. My white racist church wasn't going to trust him to be over the whole thing so they had to send some white guy over from Salt Lake City to do that. Bitter? Maybe a little. I hate that part of my church and how members treated my father or even how they treat me sometimes. No one wants to discuss something that ugly BUUUT it is ever-present and something I deal with everyday all the time whether anyone wants to acknowledge it or not.

At FHE I sat with Stephanie and some other girl who discussed their Master's programs. They didn't bother to talk to me about it because they probably assumed I couldn't relate. Even if I got a couple PhDs it wouldn't make a difference because I don't look like I should also be intelligent. Not only am I pretty, I'm also ethnic which automatically makes people assume I should be a waitress or work retail somewhere, maybe a call center. They have no idea what a librarian does or that you need to have a master's degree to do it.

I don't like that I have to work harder to make people see that. I could tatoo my degrees on my forehead to help with this I suppose. Actually I want to shatter notions that you need to look a certain way AND of course be white in order to be intelligent or spiritual. Finding the right balance is always hard for me. That is the one thing I like about my friend. He didn't make those stupid assumptions probably because his dad's Chinese. I noticed Rich's wedding invitation states he's son of the late Dr. Chang and it also lists another Doctor his mother must've remarried. I remember a story he shared in Sunday school about how his family was upset with him because he decided to attend another school after he got into another one. He also graduated from a private school in Salt Lake City. I looove that he's an attorney. He didn't give me that crap either but he is obviously 1/2 Chinese while my friend is not.

Even some of the stupid guys who are interested in me treat me like I'm stupid when they sometimes are the real idiots. I know that makes me retreat into my own little world sometimes. I can't do that with my friend which I really like.

I know that's why I've fallen into a perpetual sarcastic state. I haaate that because it limits my ability to be Christlike. You can't be humble and sarcastic at the same time. It doesn't work that way. I love my heritage and constantly having to overcome the urge to be mean to people just because they are mean spirited or stupid is something need to constantly work on and I know I can become better and better at this. I always want to make people feel bad when they do this to me but that isn't Christlike either. I need to find a balance of letting people know it's offensive in a nice way. How to do that all the time???!!! I don't know and sometimes I don't care like I should. I always have to be careful with that. I hate falling into that but I know it's one of my defense mechanisms I've just used waaay too long.

2 Nephi 16